Saturday was Juanpi and Sara’s performance at the DNI practica and it was incredible! I was awestruck. Afterwards I was sitting in the hallway and Adrian, whom I love to pieces, was sitting in the other stuffed chair. I found myself curling up in his lap … hugging him… and crying…. Of course he was concerned and my answer to his question of what was wrong, was that he always makes me cry (that is me trying to make a joke of my emotions). Truly, it wasn’t clear to me until I started to process what I was feeling while I was talking to him.
Seeing Sara dance made me realize that somewhere in my spirit/my mind I had held a dream of dancing at that level. I also realized that the dream was really a fantasy. So this transition of a dream to a fantasy was sad and I felt grief.. a letting go. It was intense and I think necessary. Clarity and truth are important to me. So this blog won’t be just about the light moments. To be true, I need to speak about the moments of doubt, the moments of pain also.
So what is the process now? Where do I go with this? Maybe I am not a performer but maybe I can be a dancer for Jackie Ling Wong to enjoy…. amazing in my own way – as my wonderful husband would say.
I also want to take a moment now to make something really clear. I do not want sympathy or words of assurance. I am sharing something that happened to me that was really profound. Please just enjoy the sharing of my truth. I am not asking for more. Maybe it resonants for you. Or maybe it doesn’t….or maybe you understand me in a deeper way. I know I do. The more time I spend here, the more I discover the things that the universe wants me to learn.
and you all know, Ilove learning